definition of hate

Last April, I decided to post my definition of the word "love" and what the word means to me. I was going to have one for my definition of "hate", but formspring spazzed and completely failed on me. But now, I got all the questions back, so I can post my exact words for it! Joy!

Q: How would YOU define Hate? :(

A: Disclaimer: the only times I would use the word "hate" for example, is: "Ugh, I hate math homework." or "I hate bug bites." And I don't even really detest those, I just think they're a nuisance, but is a part of life and must be dealt with, even when I'm not inclined to. I wouldn't say I hate someone, even one who's wronged me, and mean it. Sure, it's possible I'd say I hate a person, but I really mean I just dislike them. To feel hate is to be hate, in my opinion, and I don't want to be hate.

Hatred is total loathing, animosity, or detestation for/of a person or thing, usually with the need to dispatch, negate, avoid, or depose the subject. It can be derived from fear or a way of managing with something from another time, either past or present. Those conflicted and with complicated thoughts that incorporate hate, could be described as a love-hate relationship. Hate of a person or thing could be brought on by a capacious period of vexation from the hating subject. But most of all, hate is when you are exhausted and resigned from carrying on with one that gives you great pain and will not let you be at peace.

Hope this is enough. If you need clarification, well, ask away.

14,000

On my goal to clean out my white shelf, I found my book called "14,000 things to be happy about." Let me just say, I did have any intention of buying it, and yet here I am 3 years later, perusing the pages because my boyfriend at the time thought I should have something to cheer me up when I'm in my "destructive sadness". Which is to say, when it's that time of the month for us ladies. Anyroad...for the rest of the summer, I will post 5 things I picked out of the book that made my day. Here is today's list.

The Beach Boys (488)

Strawberry Sandwiches (145)

Long Socks (65)

City Squares (209)

Tea Kettles (2)

wrecked feelings©

Just say what you mean

I know words mean nothing.

So teach me to understand

Make me feel what you can't feel

Show me what I can't comprehend

But don't tell me to go,

Please dont' push me away

Because if I don't see you at all

I'll never get you out of my mind

When you're not in front of me,

I see you in my thoughts,

Always hear you in my head

If you don't love me,

Hate me

Make it easier to get over you

Help me forget my feelings

So I can love myself again

I'm tired of feeling

Let me be numb from it all

Be disconnected from the hurt

Lose everything that reminds of you

Happy, sad, all of it gone

It's useless to recall any memories,

What'd be the point? Why must I?

To get a moment of joy?

I'd rather be consistently downcast

Than fleetingly feel happiness

Not really experience it, just pass it by

I wouldn't want that for myself

Life would be unbearable

A living nightmare, consuming pain

I refuse to got through hell again

C.M. de Leon

(2008)

hasf 2010

HASF: Haight-Ashbury Street Fair 2010.

I'd have put this up yesterday, but silly old me was too exhausted from the day's shenanigans to sit up and start drafting, so I had to procrastinate to today. I shall make this short and simple; the fair was a load of fun and it was very warm as far as San Francisco weather goes. Considering those two factors, the place is swarming of people. I must say, the crowd itself was more amazing than the fair, then again, that's what makes the fair what it is. There were loads of things to buy, ranging from clothing to accessories to food to gifts. And let me just say, there were loads of free food going round the place. In total, I received 3 drinks and 5 or so snacks. As my dear friend used to say: 'Hey, if it's free, it's for me!" I couldn't agree more on that account. Here's a few photos to get the gist of my day.

It's 11:30am, fair barely started, yet it's packed!

My buddy Carlos in line for a free drink.

Our FREE drink! *laughs*

I'd be surprised, but then again, we're in Haight.

Ganja cookies! Though brownies are better.

Hmm...

More FREE food! Pita chips and hummus.

Good music.

I cannot even tell you how disappointed my friends are I didn't buy it.

Holla!

They are amazing. Nothing further.

I was flashed too many times in under half an hour.
This man is nothing short of amazing.
Carlos bought a new hat!

Well folks, that's a summary of my day. to end it on an interesting note, on the way home, we saw a man in his sixties walking around Market in Castro, starkers. Wow. And I got my first ever sunburn on my left shoulder! I know, not to be excited bout, but it didn't even hurt a bit. Whew.

adrenaline-infused, sun-tanned, minor-oriented

Now that the excitement is over, it's time to keep working on my projects. As much as I needed my "holiday from my holiday", I'm glad in coming back to my controlled existence; being in the theme park today just reminds me how easy it is to lose control of certain things and forget yourself. Well, that's healthy from time to time, but I'll keep that on a minimal basis.

To finish the updates bout some activities: I've been sewing and planning all sorts of activities throughout the summer for me to enjoy, yet not exert too much planning on my part; I need a slight bit of spontaneity in my life (Kit laughs at this point). As much as keeping control is a big role in my life and how I live it, I need to break off that repetitive shell of my personality and branch out to more unusual habits (for me). In a way, it sort of pains me to leave a part of myself behind, yet I know it's for a good reason that will probably help with my acute case of obsessive compulsive disorder. I wonder what will happen when I break out of my ordered life? I've scheduled everything, down to the very day I reorganize my bookshelves and sort through my closet for items to discard. Well, I'll be thinking of this as an experiment, day by day, I'll be recording any changes in my personality or behavior when I prevent myself from doing things in my set norm.

On line for the first ride; Angela & I (left).

To business! I've just returned from the excursion to Great America. As I type this draft at my friend's house, I'm still thinking of events of the past few days. All the laying low from public eye yet keeping my eyes on the public, the reorganization of my present state, changes with the lives of those close to me, and all the changes bout myself that I'm still trying to comprehend. My addled thoughts is overwhelmed by the information that I seem to absorb on an hourly basis bout topics important to me and those that aren't. Yet, try as I might, I cannot shut them out and forget. They're there. Just in the recesses of my mind. It feels unjust, yet I might have a use for all this seemingly useless information. Anyroad...the theme park was the same as always since I started going there in middle school. The fun is gone for the most part, I still adore the water rides, otherwise, it's all a bit of a bore. I suppose having a good company works if you're tired of a place, so I did enjoy the day all in all. I just wished there was some swimming done in the day, but beggars can't be choosers. Now I finish this day off with the completion of the new sketches. My scanner's being unreliable, so I shall have to put the photo up another time.