march to dos - film

Films are one of my favorite escapes from the drudgery of what we call life. I might not be so in love with driving or taking the train to certian libraries when they're more than half an hour away, but if the movie's really interesting, then I'm definitely there without second thought.

For March, I wanted to do a murder mystery marathon. One was suggested to me by my British friend who discovered it when he went back to England. It's a long-running series called Midsomer Murders. Based on the novels by Caroline Graham, which is also known as the Inspector Barnaby mysteries. And lucky me, my favorite library just happens to have most of the series! There's not much I can say bout them other than they must be really good to be in running for the past thirteen years. Actually, the pilot aired on 23rd March 1997, so the thirteen year anniversary of the series is in a little over 3 weeks. That's amazing, this has got to be the only series (I've heard of anyway) that's lasted for more than 10 years. I can't wait to start watching! Here's a list of the episodes (in chronological order) that I'm going to try to fit into this month:

- The Killings at Badger's Drift (pilot)

Series One

- Written in Blood

- Death of a Hollow Man

- Faithful unto Death

- Death in Disguise

Series Two

- Death's Shadow

- Strangler's Wood

- Dead Man's Eleven

- Blood Will Out

Series Three

- Death of a Stranger

- Blue Herrings

- Judgement Day

- Beyond the Grave

As you can see, the series aren't as long as most American seasons. But I think a version is around 100 minutes, so each series is over 6 hours long. Well this should keep me out of trouble and at home for a long, long time. I'm actually looking forward to shutting myself in for the month (excluding school, work, and weekly dinners with my best friend). As for the rest of the show, I'll draw up a new to-do for April; I might have to postpone the 'old movies' list that I was thinking of setting up for the next month. There's always May!

neuroticism

Neuroticism - a fundamental personality trait in the study of psychology. It is an enduring tendency to experience negative emotional states. Individuals who score high on neuroticism are more likely than the average to experience such feelings as anxiety, anger, guilt, and depressed mood. They respond more poorly to environmental stress, and are more likely to interpret ordinary situations as threatening, and minor frustrations as hopelessly difficult. They are often self-conscious and shy, and they may have trouble controlling urges and delaying gratification. Neuroticism is associated with low emotional intelligence, which involves emotional regulation, motivation, and interpersonal skills. It is also a risk factor for "internalizing" mental disorders such as phobia, depression, panic disorder, and other anxiety disorders, (traditionally called neuroses).

Emotional Stability - On the opposite end of the spectrum, individuals who score low in neuroticism are more emotionally stable and less reactive to stress. They tend to be calm, even tempered, and less likely to feel tense or rattled. Although they are low in negative emotion, they are not necessarily high on positive emotion. That is an element of the independent trait of extraversion. Neurotic extraverts, for example, would experience high levels of both positive and negative emotional states, a kind of "emotional roller coaster". Individuals who score low on neuroticism (particularly those who are also high on extraversion) generally report more happiness and satisfaction with their lives.

Measurement - Like other personality traits, neuroticism is typically viewed as a continuous dimension, rather than as a distinct type of person. People vary in their level of neuroticism, with a small minority of individuals scoring extremely high or extremely low on the dimension. Because most people cluster around the average, neuroticism test scores approximate a normal distribution, given a large enough sample of people. Neuroticism is one of the most studied personality traits in psychology, and this has resulted in a wealth of data and statistical analysis. It is measured on the EPQ, the NEO PI-R, and other personality inventories.

Physiology - Neuroticism appears to be related to physiological differences in the brain. Hans Eysenck theorized that neuroticism is a function of activity in the limbic system, and his research suggests that people who score highly on measures of neuroticism have a more reactive sympathetic nervous system, and are more sensitive to environmental stimulation. Behavioral geneticsresearchers have found that a significant portion of the variability on measures of neuroticism can be attributed to genetic factors.

A study with positron emission tomography has found that healthy subjects that score high on the NEO PI-R neuroticism dimension tend to have high altanserin binding in the frontolimbic region of the brain — an indication that these subjects tend to have more of the 5-HT_2A receptor in that location. Another study has found that healthy subjects with a high neuroticism score tend to have higher DASB binding in the thalamus, — with DASB being a ligand that binds to the serotonin transporter protein.

Another neuroimaging study using magnetic resonance imaging to measure brain volume found that the brain volume was negatively correlated to NEO PI-R neuroticism when correcting for possible effects of intracranial volume, sex, and age.

Other studies have associated neuroticism with genetic variations, e.g., with 5-HTTLPR — a polymorphism in the serotonin transporter gene. However, not all studies find such an association. A genome-wide association study (GWA study) has associated single-nucleotide polymorphism in the MDGA2 gene with neuroticism, however the effect sizes were small. Another GWA study gave some evidence that the rs362584 polymorphism in the SNAP25 gene was associated with neuroticism.

Geography - Neuroticism, along with other personality traits, has been mapped across states in the USA. People in eastern states such as New York, New Jersey, West Virginia, and Mississippi tend to score high on neuroticism, whereas people in many western states, such as Utah, Colorado, South Dakota, Oregon, and Arizona score lower on average. People in states that are higher in neuroticism also tend to have higher rates of heart disease and lower life expectancy.

Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neuroticism

unchanging, undying©

I'll take back what I've said

A chance is all I need now

Return to days we both felt alive

Reach out with me, remember who we are

We can break the walls that cause this pain

Mopping up this mess with picture perfect smiles,

Wouldn't change how I feel

Because I know that inside, you're still the same

Don't make all of my decisions for me

I admit that what I'd chosen was wrong

But I'd do it all again for you

Whenever I see your tears,

I feel my heart starts to bleed

Time I spent thinking of you,

Leaves me hoping for so much more

All you have to do is try

For our lives are too short to be uncertain

Please all I'm asking for is love

To cure me of my sickness

This irrevocable longing for you

Yet you never seem to have enough

Why can't you just love me back?

Just one more time

C. M. de Leon

(2008)

blind girl story

I woke up so early this morning, I was stumped on what to do. I showered, went for a short run, had some fruit, and logged on to see what I've missed on Facebook. I saw a new status update from the fan page, "When I Miss you, I re-read our old conversations and smile. :')", and I just started to span back to earlier statuses. I eventually stumbled on this one...

Once there was a blind girl. Everyone hated her except her boyfriend. She's always say to him. "If i was able to see, I would've married you." One day, all of a sudden, someone donated eyes to the girl. She opened her eyes just to find that her boyfriend was also blind! The boy then asked her, "Will you marry me now?" She rejected him. The boy just turned and began to walk away, he said in a low voice, "Please take care of my eyes."

I cannot believe how tragic this story is. Though there is a lesson to be learned here, I chose to disregard it and feel sympathetic to the boy who gave up the ability to see, just to feel his heart break when it should be the exact opposite. Fiction or no, I send out my regards to that boy; no matter what life throws at you, always take it in stride and don't let others hold you back.

As a side note, I'm getting extremely busy lately, so when I can't reflect or write a lengthy post, I'll just have a poem, quote, or song review up instead. Maybe even a 'to do' list. I really enjoy making those!

Until next time. Au revoir!

sad: seasonal affective disorder

A group of friends and I were having lunch earlier today, and we got into the discussion of how in the winter season, half if not a majority of people we know (including present company) seem to fall into a pattern every year. When the weather is pleasant and there's plenty of outdoor activities, just bout everyone is very agreeable, but when the sun practically disappears and it's very outcast, those gentle-tempered people turn introverted at some level. Out of us discussing it, my friend DL and I were told to be most affected by this type of mood disorder. I suppose that could be the reason why I lost some of my "energetic personality" since I came back from my vacation at the Islands. Which, by the way, has 85 degree winters. If I look back at my time on holiday, I did have much energy and I didn't need an alarm to haul myself off of bed in the mornings. In fact, I actually slept! This is a big deal considering here in the States, I'm pretty nocturnal; my bouts of insomnia spans for a few weeks at a time. Probably because of the heat, unlike the days, it's not very humid at night. So I had 6 or 7 hour nightly sleep, which was heaven compared to none or 3 to 4 hour nights. I also lost most of my appetite, which is amazing since sometimes I still inhale food when I'm bursting in the seams. Man, I didn't need to go to the gym! Just walk outside for a bit and I'm drenched in my sweat (ewh. I know).

Anyroad...when DL and I listened to our friends' semi-amateur 'analysis' (one was a Psych major), it really made sense to us. DL and I usually wait for events, activities, or friends to contact us before we "go out and have fun" around wintertime. While in the sunnier weather, it's usually the 2 of us planning all the shenanigans that go on within our immediate circle. I think it's bout time we do something to change this little predicament we're in. I for one should get out more often. I've been hiding in my room or bookstores whenever there's a party or such that I get invited to. I've even been skipping out on trips to the beach when it's not raining. Though it may be freezing beyond belief, it's nice to run away to the beach in between classes. Gotta the freedom to pick the time for your classes in college. I think I've exhausted this topic enough for now. I definitely will be coming back to review this again in a few days.

Oh, and for those of you who do read my posts, sorry I haven't been to able to blog much the past few days. And I won't be able to for the rest of the week. At least not until the weekend. Too much to do for the moment to get ahead. As for the SM updates that seem to entertain some of you (okay, just LS), I'll have a post dedicated to my progress in the series so far. But I gotta say, I'm past the halfway point. I just couldn't help myself and watched diligently when I'm not napping at night. There goes my "resting periods".